I read in the news recently that someone has created artificial sperm. The good news is that it doesn't work. However, it appears that it is only a matter of time before the male of the species becomes irrelevant. So in what will be a futile gesture, we at inane rantings have come up with, well I started off with five, reasons why men are useful.
1. Who will be at fault for anything
As you are all aware it is always the man's fault. In fact, men know nothing. Lurking behind every error is a man looking lost. So, if there are no men, who will get the blame? Another woman... Surely not. Men are naturally good at mumbling "Sorry dear" the moment something goes wrong. Let us do something that we are good at.
Of course, in this female utopia, nothing will ever go wrong. Therefore, this will not be an issue. D'oh.
1(a) Who will park cars
Most women are incapable of parking cars. In fact, most women can't even describe their cars beyond the colour of it. So men can provide for you the service of parking your car. Women will be able to leave their cars in the middle of the road happy in the knowledge that their man will follow up behind them and park their car.
Mind you, if there are no men around, women may have an idea of how long six inches actually is. Once they are aware of that they should be able to park cars without any problems. Double D'oh.
1(b) Who will tell women that their bum doesn't look big in things
Over the years men have learnt (with the possible exception of me) how to answer this most difficult of questions. Men have evolved with the ability to automatically say "Of course not dear" without the slightest betrayal of humour. Women being slightly more vindictive, are more likely to give the honest answer of "No bigger than normal". Men (with prompting) are also trainable to give the correct response to a variety of leading questions.
As there will be no men around, women will no longer need to be concerned with the size of their backside. Bugger.
1(c) Who will avert global war and destruction
Having three sisters I appreciate that women hold grudges for a very long time. Sometimes these grudges are not so much held as nurtured. If women ran every nation, war would be like the middle ages where countries would change sides during the middle of a battle. Alliances would strengthen and crumble, like friendships to a teenage girl. OK, men don't have the best track record when it comes to world peace, but imagine the chaos.
I forgot, a woman would never declare war with each other. There would just be intense negotiations every twenty eight days.
1(d) Who will tell you that we love you
Yes I'm scrapping the barrel. Actually, this point is indefensible (especially with my track record).
Let's face it men. We're screwed.
On behalf of the weaker sex please, please, please don't get rid of us.
Bye for now